Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you
want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little
voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press. No one will answer.