Related:

• OK, one more time... This is our answering machine.
  .. This is the message on our answering machine.....
• This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there.
  .. (Long silence...) BEEP -- Answering machine madness - playing with the calle...
• All our answering machines are busy. Please hold. (Pause.
  ) All our answering machines are... (CLICK) This is the answering machine of....
• If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
  Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....
• Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone.
  Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone....
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?
  ) Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message....
• As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
  You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone......
• This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to.
  .. I mean, do FOR you. -- Answering machine madness - playing with the calle...