Related:

• Sorry that we're not at home. Please leave a message after the tone.
  When we get in, We'll give you a ring. Until then, wait by the phone....
• Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now.
  However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you....
• Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll return your call.
  (Now, re-record the message every morning. Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different, but will be confused since the words are exactly the same....
• Thank you for calling, no doubt, As you can guess, we're out.
  When we get home, We'll call on the phone. Until then, just hang about....
• Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you....
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Voice 1: Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight?
  Voice 2: Same thing we do every night, Rob... Try to take over the world!...
• WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
  But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later....
• Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone.
  Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it....