Related:

• The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
• As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
  You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone......
• Computer generated voices:) 1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
  2: Yeah, nobody but us machines! 1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up!...
• The party you dialed is not available. Your call is being diverted to an alternate number.
  Please stand by... (Ring...) The number you dialed must be dialed by your 0 operator....
• It seems these two Airmen decided to rob the local 7-11, a stupid move in and of itself.
  But wait, its stupid to rob a store when you're in the military 'cause the haircut will give you away every time....
• If you get on the telephone and call an onion to hear a ring, you are a truly sick person.
• How can you tell if your car is a lemon? Your car might be a lemon if
  1) You can't get your glove compartment closed because of all the repair receipts....
• In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH!
  Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call....
• Jargon Coiner (#1) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up.
  * WINCURSE: Loud expletive uttered when a Linux user comes face-to-face with a computer containing a WinModem....