In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH!
Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work
with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new
Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices
your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer,
because if you leave your name and number when you hear the
tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
-- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work
with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new
Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices
your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer,
because if you leave your name and number when you hear the
tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
-- Answering machine madness - playing with the caller
Related:
- You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy.
You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions.... - Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey.
I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411.... - Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of
Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone.
Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?... - Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave
your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you
back as soon as I can.
Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO.... - Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you
were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.
.. (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.... - Congratulations! By correctly dialing 123-4567, you have become
eligible to leave a message!
(Applause.) Join the lucky few that have advanced to the next level!... - Ahhhhhhhhh... ahhhhhhhhhh... (Heavy breathing sounds, like an
obscene phone call.
) Oh, nuts, YOU called ME! Sorry. Never mind. Leave your name and number at the beep.... - Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the
phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll
return your call.
(Now, re-record the message every morning. Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different, but will be confused since the words are exactly the same.... - I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the
basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.
If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone....
