- 1) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle
Take two aspirin" and Keep away from children" --Author Unknow... - 2) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.
It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey... - 4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it.
At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.... - 5) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
Unknown, presumed deceased... - 6) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.
Dave Barry... - 7) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.... - 8) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.
I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone... - 9) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men.
I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh' ." --Conan O'Brie... - 10) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
