Related:

• When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat.
  Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, "Now, what wine goes with that?...
• A lady lost her cat, and took the cat in a little casket up to a big church and said, "I want you to bury my cat.
  And they run her off. She went to another church, and they run her off....
• I've tried to drown my sorrows, but those suckers learned how to swim!
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• On this morning in August when I was 13, my mother sent us out pick tomatoes.
  Back in April I'd have killed for a fresh tomato, but in August they are no more rare or wonderful than rocks....
• I live just off Ventura Boulevard, where all the weirdos hang ou
  and I was on a corner the other day when a wild-looking sort of gypsy-looking lady with a dark veil over her face grabbed me right on Ventura Boulevard and said, "Karen Haber!...
• Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team
  he said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her right cheek....
• Marge: All right, all right, but if you win, don't make a scene and dance around with your "woo-hoo"s, please!
  We can't afford a single slipup. They're judging us....