Related:

• Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done .
  ... {Cachunk!}...
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm *so* depressed.
  I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, yet all I get to do is answer the phone....
• Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls.
  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone....
• Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life.
  After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks....
• This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and numbe
  and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI....
• This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway.
  (Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.)...
• But right now I'm using "This is a boring answering machine message.
  Leave a message anyway." because I'm sick of people ringing the phone at 10am just so they can hear the clever messages I usually have, and then hanging up without even leaving a "like your message" message....
• One voice: I didn't expect an answering machine. Another voice
  Nobody expects an answrering machine. Our chief use is to get your name....