The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages
"Hi! I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and
number, I'll call you back when I am..." *beep*
"You've reached the B&D hotline. All our operators are tied-up right now,
so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions and bark like a dog,
we'll get right back to you with your penance."
(1) "Hello, this is Ron. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just
kidding. This is an answering machine. (etc.)"
(2) "Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a
message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise -
open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me
to tell me?"
Also, something you might do after you've had the machine for a few
months is start answering in person with "Hello, this is a live
voice." (Variation on a theme by "The Cosby Show".) Or you could try
answering your own phone with "Hello, is Ron there?"
"We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please
leave your name, number, and Master Card, Visa, or American Express
account number and we'll get back to, pending credit approval."
"You have reached the ,<state> Strategic Air Command Nuclear
Missle Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right
now. At the tone, please leave you name, number and target or list of
targets and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day."
"Hello?" <pause for a few seconds> "Sorry, he's not here right now,
but if you leave a message, he'll get back to you."
"Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren't here right now, but if you
leave a message, they'll get back to you as soon as they can."
[imitating Ensign Chekov]
"Oh, sair...it was *Khan*! He made us say things...do things...he
kept us from answering the phone! But Keptin was strong, and if you
leave your name and number, Keptin will get back to you as soon as
he can!" <BEEP>