Hi, This Is John's Answering Machine. He's Not Here, But I'm Open To Suggestions.

Related:

• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets....
• lt;Phone Rings> Noisy pick-up of phone Uh...<wisperingly> Hello?
  Hi, I 'm a burgular and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine....
• He "Hi Mabel, may I come over tonight?" She "Sure John, Come on over".
  He "This is not John" She "This is not Mabel, either"....
• Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead.
  Wait for the beep....
• Hi! You have reached 579-7599. This is an answering machine.
  This is the Eighties. You know what to do....
• Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine.
  If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it....
• Answering machine tape] "We're not here right now; we've gone to England to kill Salman Rushdie.
  Alex Reid...