- Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
- Lunatic Asylum: The place where optimism most flourishes.
- Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
- The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
- Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
- Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
- A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
- Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and gets stuck.
- The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
