(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to risk being beaten up)

1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try
to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.

2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a
single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When
they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the
ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.

3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares
that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)

4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst
muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those
at your table, it is also extremely annoying.

5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to
stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their
food back.