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• Ladies and gentlemen, what you are seeing is a total disregard for the things St.
  Patrick's Day stand for. All this drinking, violence, destruction of property....
• Brockman: Kent Brockman, at the now-closed Duff bottling plant, where a mysterious person in black keeps a solitary vigil.
  [Barney, the mysterious person, lays a flower down beside the plant and belches] -- "Homer vs....
• Moe: Listen up, this is the busiest drinking day of the year.
  Where are the designated drivers? [two men raise their hands] Beat it!...
• Brockman: "What are _you_ looking at?"--the innocent words of a drunken child.
  Well, I'll _tell_ you what we're looking at, young man....
• Parades just bring out so many emotions in me! Joy, excitement, looking.
  .. -- Marge, letting herself go at a St. Patrick's Day parade, "Homer vs....
• This is Kent Brockman, live from the Aztec theater, where police have learned that kidnapper Homer Simpson and hostage Larry Burns are inside, talking loudly.
  -- "Burns, Baby Bu...
• Kent: Hey, that is one fine looking animal you got there.
  Homer: Wow. TV's Kent Brockman! [shakes Kent's hand] Ke...
• Brockman: Kent Brockman at the Action News desk. A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.
  Lisa: [gasps] Oh, no! Homer: It'll be okay, honey....
• Maude: Neddy, I know this has been a terrible day. But, by golly, first thing tomorrow morning, we're going to open up the Leftorium, and before you know it, we'll be back on our feet.
  Kent: [on TV] Down here at Springfield Mall, a storm-[?...