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• Top of the morning to ye on this gray, grizzly afternoon.
  Kent O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit Irish, except, of course, for the gays and the Italians....
• Ladies and gentlemen, what you are seeing is a total disregard for the things St.
  Patrick's Day stand for. All this drinking, violence, destruction of property....
• Tonight, on Smartline. "The Power plant strike. Argle bargle, or fooforaw?
  -- Kent Brockman, "Last Exit to Springfield...
• Scott: And now over to Kent Brockman for some grim economic news.
  Kent: Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office....
• Brockman: "What are _you_ looking at?"--the innocent words of a drunken child.
  Well, I'll _tell_ you what we're looking at, young man....
• Quimby: You can't seriously want to ban alcohol.
  It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism....
• Banner: Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple.
  Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?...
• Brockman: ... means death for us all. And now, "Kent's People!
  Tonight's inspiring story is about Frank Grimes, a thirty- five-year-old Springfieldite who has earned everything the hard way, but never let adversity get him down....
• Brockman: Kent Brockman at the Action News desk. A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.
  Lisa: [gasps] Oh, no! Homer: It'll be okay, honey....