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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. -- Fran Lebowitz
If I had a belt like yours, I could be an Elvis impersonator.
If I had a Life I would be living it.
If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it.
There's got to be a better way. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
If I had a nickel for every bug...
If I had any humility I would be perfect. -- Ted Turne
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home.
-- Eugene P. Gallaghe...
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th'collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!! -- Zippy the Pinhead
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