Related:

• I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
  Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?
  '. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign.
  He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read....
• I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?
  I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it....
• I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.
  She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on....
• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....