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• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?
  ' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• One time the police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Don't you know the speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?
  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." -- Steven Wrigh...
• In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?
  I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money.
  They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." -- Steven Wrigh...
• Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why.
  It told me it was none of my business. -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, `Well, what do you need?'" -- Steven Wrigh...