Related:

• My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
  -- Emo Philip...
• When I was in high school, my friends would lay anything that moved. I choose not to limit myself.
• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -- Emo Philip
• When I was growing up, my mom wanted me to become a priest, which I think is a tough occupation.
  Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you all the highlights of theirs?...
• I was walking through the park. I had a very bad asthmatic attack.
  These three asthmatics attacked me. I know ... I should've heard them all hiding. -- Emo Philip...
• Breast feeding is popular now. It wasn't when I was growing up.
  In high school, my mom caught me with an inflatable sex doll....
• This guy comes over to my house and says, "I want to read your gas meter.
  I said, "Whatever happened to the classics?" -- Emo Philip...
• Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
  Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day....
• I saw this old woman digging for food through a garbage can.
  I don't know about you folks. I have a lot of love for old women going through garbage cans....