Related:

• When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved.
  Why limit yourself?" I told them. -- Emo Philip...
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• Growing up, I was a little guy. My father enrolled me in a local martial arts academy.
  So once a week I got beat up in a more formal setting. -- Jonathan Katz...
• Breast feeding is popular now. It wasn't when I was growing up.
  In high school, my mom caught me with an inflatable sex doll....
• A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?
  The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop....
• Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever again.
  Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game....
• Bart: [hurt] Hey, Mom, you didn't wake me up. Marge
  Here's your hot chocolate. Bart: [looking at other cups] You didn't put my marshmallow in....