Related:

• The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys.
  I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• The doctor says he has to amputate all of me. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh
• I bought a blank tape at the stereo store, and came home and put it on my stereo.
  A few minutes later there's a knock at my door. It's a neighbor complaining....