Related:

• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you.
  And that is a phony kidnapping. Larry: Yeah, right....
• The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys.
  I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while....
• I bought a blank tape at the stereo store, and came home and put it on my stereo.
  A few minutes later there's a knock at my door. It's a neighbor complaining....
• I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards.
  I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank....