Related:

• I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there.
  And I'm like: How did my mother know that? -- Wendy Liebma...
• I think I'd be a good mother--maybe a little overprotective.
  Like I would never let the kid out--of my body. -- Wendy Liebma...
• Bart: Look at all this great stuff, Lis! [finds vanity license plate rack] Cool.
  ..personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"....
• I'm scared of sex now. You have to be. You can get something terminal, like a kid.
  -- Wendy Liebma...
• In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good. -- Wendy Liebma
• I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebma
• Selma: Now, Mr. McClure, would you like to take off those glasses, and read the top line?
  [points to an eye chart] Troy: Err... W... 7... star....
• It's not fear of striking out that makes me reluctant to step up to the plate.
  It's the fear of getting hit in the head by a 90 mph fastball, the pitcher coming off of the mound to stomp me with her cleats while I am down, the rest of the opposing team rushing out of the dugout hurling insults as they kick me and spit on me, while all along the crowd in the stands is cheering them on and laughing at my failure....
• You may be redneck... if your father made your personalized license plate.