Related:

• In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good. -- Wendy Liebma
• I think I'd be a good mother--maybe a little overprotective.
  Like I would never let the kid out--of my body. -- Wendy Liebma...
• I hate blind dates, but a friend says he could set me up, so I said, "Okay.
  But you should have seen this girl. It was like she hadn't taken a bath in a month....
• I'm scared of sex now. You have to be. You can get something terminal, like a kid.
  -- Wendy Liebma...
• I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there.
  And I'm like: How did my mother know that? -- Wendy Liebma...
• Guru Saj: You must be Ross. Ross: Hi. Guru Saj: I am Guru Saj.
  (takes the drawer back and replaces) Ross: Listen, I got to tell you I_ve-I_ve never been to a guru before, so....
• I 've wandered east, I 've wandered west, Through many a weary way
  But never, never can forget The love of life's young day....
• I(ve) B(een) M(islead)
• Vet: Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky, [SLH walks out with his hind legs in a cast on rollers] and he's free to go.
  His legs should be as good as new in a few months, but in the meantime he'll have to use the wheelabout....