Related:

• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• I have such poor vision I can date anybody. -- Garry Shandling
• The last girl I made love to, it was not going well.
  Anytime you make love and have to give her the Heimlich maneuver at the same time, it's not a good thing....
• I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• They should put expiration dates on clothes so we would know when they go out of style.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• I can't believe I actually own my own house. I'm looking at a house and it's two hundred grand.
  The realtor says, "It's got a great view." For two hundred grand I better open up the curtains and see breasts against the window....
• I'm not thrilled about flying.... We don't know how old the airplanes are and there's really no way for us to tell, 'cause we're laymen.
  But I figure if the plane smells like your grandmother's house, get out....
• The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
  -- Murphy's laws on sex...
• If I talk over people's heads, Ike must talk under their feet.