Related:

• I have such poor vision I can date anybody. -- Garry Shandling
• The price of Christmas toys is outrageous--a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters.
  I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid....
• Homer: I need $15,000 to buy a home. Grampa: Oh, well.
  All I own is this house that I built with my own two hands....
• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• I'm one of the few to ever throw a javelin two hundred yards .
  .. Well, actually I only threw it one hundred yards....
• Woke up this morning, don't believe what I saw. Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore.
  Seems I never noted being alone. Hundred billion castaways looking for a call....
• Homer: [chuckles] This is going to be sweet. Two hundred bottle rockets and George Bush doing toe touches by an open window!
  Bart: You get one up his butt, it's a million points....
• at a pawn shop, Nelson grabs Milhouse's glasses] Milhouse
  Hey! I need those to see. Pawnbroker: Ah, these lenses are perfect!...
• I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.
  -- Garry Shandling...