Related:

• They should put expiration dates on clothes so we would know when they go out of style.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.
  Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain but there in the sandbox at nursery school....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• I have such poor vision I can date anybody. -- Garry Shandling
• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.
  Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school....
• Joey: All right. [gets up] Monica: [stopping him] No!
  Joey, we swore we'd never tell! Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!...
• I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.
  -- Garry Shandling...
• I figure that the best way to figure what the IRS will figure is to get them to figure what you are figuring that they will figure that you are not really figuring what you want them to figure that you figure.
  If you figure all of this out sufficiently, you have got to figure that they can't figure you out in the first place....