I Got Up One Morning And Couldn't Find My Socks, So I Called Information.

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• I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information.
  She said they were behind the couch. She was right. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?
  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks....
• I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl.
  She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on....
• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
  .. I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?...
• I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right.
  I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica....