Related:

• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one in the leather jacket." She said, "I'll be the one drinking sake....
• I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm.
  By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh...
• I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.
  She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks....
• I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu.
  The headwaiter said, Don't I know you? -- Steven Wrigh...
• For my sister's 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram. -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh
• I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy. -- Steven Wrigh
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in EXACTLY the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...