Related:

• I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information.
  She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks....
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, 'Why were you going so fast?
  ' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator....
• I woke up and started folding my bed back into a couch and almost broke both my arms, because it's not one of those beds!
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?
  ' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wrigh...
• I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right.
  I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica....
• I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.
  ... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.......
• I was in a bar and I walked up to a beautiful woman and said, "Do you live around here often?
  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks....
• I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.
  I told my roommate, "Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica....