Related:

• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify".
  I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do? -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
  Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money.
  They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I filled my humidifier with wax and left it on. Now everything in my house is shiny.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" -- Steven Wrigh
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Steven Wrigh...