Related:

• I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify".
  I wrote "Doctor" ... What's my mother going to do? -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money.
  They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.
  ... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.......
• When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me.
  I said, "Well, what do you need?" -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose. -- Stephen Wrigh
• I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?
  '. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in _exactly_ the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...
• I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.
  Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that....