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• I will not drink! But if I do... I will not get drunk!
  But if I do... I will not in public! But if I do.....
• Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ... In our house, we have Alka-Seltzer on tap.
  If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you is not to be sensitive....
• How do restaurants which feature home cooking get it to you while it is still hot?
• I turned on my computer, and the screen is still black.
  Where do I get a new light bulb? -- Novice Computer Use...
• You mean *I'M* teaching the camping merit badge?
• You mean *I'M* teaching the hiking merit badge?
• You mean *I'M* teaching the lifesaving merit badge?
• You mean *I'M* teaching the orienteering merit badge?
• Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice... like Urkel!
  And he appears every Friday night... like Urkel!...