Every Time I Go Near The Stove, The Dog Howls ...

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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ... In our house, we have
Alka-Seltzer on tap. If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you
is not to be sensitive. Here are some of the insults I've had to overlook:
When Fang passes my gravy, he says, "One lump or two?" Once I sent a treat
to the Boy Scouts and the leader awarded a merit badge to anyone who could
eat it. When I entered a cake at the county fair, it was the only one
awarded a black ribbon ... But now I can boil water--when I don't forget
and use the colander.
-- Phyllis Diller