Related:

• Aunt Ilse from Oelwein wonders why no one thinks Mr.
  Mondale has a chance to beat Mr. Reagan. "Any country that can choose old," she writes, "can just as easily choose boring....
• Our record is strong on women's issues," says George Bush.
  And Aunt Ilse agrees. She says she can smell it all the way up in Oelwein....
• Hear about the Polish musicians who had to empty the saliva from their instruments?
  They were a string quartet....
• The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you wonder why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on geography).
  .. I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut....
• GETTING RID OF TELEMARKETERS... ** If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
  ** If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problem...
• There was a girl who just started working in a bank.
  Every day, she noticed that a very attractive man walked by her office....
• An attractive young secretary in her first week on the job got some friendly advice about the office Romeo from the more matronly office workers.
  Watch out for 'Tiny' ... Stay away from 'Tiny'," they warned her....
• 150 There was a young man from Dallas Who had an exceptional phallus.
  He couldn't find room In any girl's womb Without rubbing it first with Vitalis....
• I Like 'em Dead I was just 13 when my mommy caught me French-kissing a cadaver in my bed.
  She said, "Son, how could you do this?" And I said "Mom, I like 'em dead....