Related:

• Our record is strong on women's issues," says George Bush.
  And Aunt Ilse agrees. She says she can smell it all the way up in Oelwein....
• Aunt Ilse from Oelwein calls to say she hopes everyone in Dallas had fun at the Jackson concerts and to ask if we know of any plans for a Julliard String Quartet Victory Tour.
• Mr. Mondale and Mr. Reagan have agreed to at least one debate.
  So far, however, there's no word on whether any voters have agreed to listen....
• Mr. Reagan wants NASA to choose a teacher as the first "citizen passenger" in space.
  If it's a one-way trip, our kids have some suggestions....
• Mr. Mondale calls Mr. Reagan's statement that he has no plans for a tax increase a "fish story.
  It looks as if this campaign will be no different from most others: carp, carp, carp....
• Now that Jesse Jackson has endorsed Mr. Mondale, can we expect a press conference to announce that Gerry Ferraro has decided to do the same?
• Mr. Mondale says he'd raise taxes if elected and says Mr.
  Reagan will too. If he's going to base this campaign on truth and candor he's got even less chance than we thought....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• Not so famous quotes Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
  --Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself....