GETTING RID OF TELEMARKETERS...
** If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
** If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked,
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my
arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
** If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, as them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how
they got into this line of work, are they married?, kids?, etc. Continue
asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long
** This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and
I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice
ask, "What are you wearing?"
** Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she
Tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
** Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep
a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you
can do it until they hang up.
** If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...
would you be my friend?"
** If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get
out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
** After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When
they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit
card number to a complete stranger.
** Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often
can't sell to employees.
** Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the
receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.
** Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if
he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back.
When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME
numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home,
right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up.
** Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
** Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them
on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your
food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
** Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some beer.
** Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
** Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably
tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
** Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come
on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
** Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...
** Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...