I was just 13 when my mommy caught me
French-kissing a cadaver in my bed.
She said, "Son, how could you do this?"
And I said "Mom, I like 'em dead."
(He likes 'em dead) You stab 'em I'll grab 'em
(He likes 'em dead) You kill 'em I'll drill 'em
(He likes 'em dead) If you slew 'em I'll screw 'em
You can bet as long as I'm around,
You'll never bury a virgin in the ground..
Mommy took me to a shrink to help me
Stop arousing libido for things that have died.
But, when I left, I went to the beach to see
If any poor souls had got washed in with the tide.
When I get bored, I take a little cruise
Down to the morgue and ask to peruse.
Slip the attendant his usual twenty;
He says, "Hey man, have fun; you know we got plenty."
The neighborhood graveyard is fun some days
As long as you don't mind a bit of decay.
When I come back I know where to look
'cause I keep grave-rubbings in a little black book.
Don't gotta pay for any movies or dinner,
She'll never say "no" and put you to disgrace.
Sometimes you come out like a winner
Get a shriveled-up blonde with a big blue face.
I like a woman who is passive and passi,
Spiritless and lifeless and gone-by-the-way.
Deceased, defunct, departed, dead and dry,
Bought the farm last week, and now she's living in the sky
Well, I'm a coroner now, and it's my legal job
To find out how people got killed.
But before I ship them off to the morgue,
I give those corpses one last thrill!