Related:

• GETTING RID OF TELEMARKETERS... ** If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
  ** If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problem...
• I Love Her, But... (a collection of men's thoughts on their women) .
  ..she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen....
• After she got married, Gerry Ferraro kept her maiden name as a tribute to her mother.
  It's further evidence of how she balances the ticket. Mr. Mondale kept his to honor his father....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• Quotes From Groucho Marx: - Time flies like an arrow.
  Fruit flies like a banana. - Room service? Send up a larger room....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• MOTHER'S DICTIONARY: AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
  BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too....
• Mother's Dictionary AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
  BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too....