Quotes From Groucho Marx:
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- Room service? Send up a larger room.
- Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
- Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
- He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool
you. He really is an idiot.
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed
with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
- Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
- You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
- You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to
get rid of it.
- A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
- Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
- Why, I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
- One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas
I'll never know.
- I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody
turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
- I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
- If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
- I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably
more than she ever did.
- Women should be obscene and not heard.
- After his introduction on a music/variety show, Groucho and the host both
sat down at center stage. Host: "I'm a big fan of yours, Groucho." Groucho:
"If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan."
- Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
- Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of
you than you do!
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce
and so will my wife.
- I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment
when you came long.
- Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read.
- Quote me as saying I was misquoted.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...