Related:

• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
  He was hurt in the growing part....
• EXCUSES ACTUALLY RECEIVED BY SCHOOLS VIA NOTES FROM HOME (This was posted at work.
  I do not know the author/editor. Sorry) * Dear school...
• Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• In the Garden of Eden sat Adam, Massaging the bust of his madam, He chuckled with mirth, For he knew that on earth, There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
• DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLACK WHO: Spent four days in Sears looking for wheels for a miscarriage?
  Took his expectant wife to the grocery store because they had free delivery?...
• A little old Jewish man and women are discussing marriage.
  They spend hour upon hour talking about their likes and dislikes....
• A Nice Jewish Dog... A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog.
  So he calls him Irving. He can't wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor finally comes over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how smart he is....