Related:

• EXCUSES ACTUALLY RECEIVED BY SCHOOLS VIA NOTES FROM HOME (This was posted at work.
  I do not know the author/editor. Sorry) * Dear school...
• Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.
• Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (several mispellings of diarrhea crossed out) the shits.
• Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.
  She spent the weekend with the Marine's....
• Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
• ObJoke: This guy goes to Texas on vacation. (No, that's not the punchline.
  ) When he's ready to leave the airport, he hails a cab, but a stretch limo pulls up....