Related:

• This is the uh most exciting thing to happen to our uh fair town since the Dalai Lama visited in 1952.
  And so, I hereby declare that Route 401, currently known as the Dalai Lama Expressway, will be henceforth be known as the Michael Jackson Expressway....
• I hereby declare this day to be Snow Day, the funnest day in the history of Springfield!
  -- Diamond Joe Quimby, "Bart Gets an F...
• Bart: Please don't make me stay, dad. I'll do anything you say.
  I'll find religion! I'll be good sometimes!...
• Er, uh, well... eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action.
  All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house, raise your hands....
• Bob: Hello, children. [with malice] Hello, Bart. Ba
  Eep. Bob: Young friends, my opponent, Joe Quimby, is confused about your school system....
• Have I ever let you down before? -- Famous Last Word
• Barlow: You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of here in Springfield
  one, the bats in the public library -- [scene switch to man opening card catalog and screaming as bats fly out] -- two, Mrs....
• I am not, nor have ever been, a lawyer.