Related:

• a scream is heard from the room above] Skinner: Bart Simpson!
  I know it's you! -- Principal Skinner fills in for Miss Hoover, "Lisa's Substitute...
• Mr. Bergstrom: Lisa, your homework is always so neat.
  How can I put this? Does your father help you with it....
• That's the problem with being middle-class. Anybody who really cares will abandon you for those who need it more.
  -- Mr. Bergstrom's parting remarks, "Lisa's Substitute...
• Marge: Why don't we invite Mr. Bergstrom to dinner?
  Lisa: Oh, Mom! That's wonderful! Can I find out his favorite dish and help you make it?...
• 1: Did you hear about Miss Hoover? She drank a bottle of drain cleaner by mistake.
  2: Oh, I heard she fell down a well. [Principal Skinner comes in with Miss Hoover, who is crying] Lisa...
• Miss Hoover: [shakily] Children, I won't be staying long.
  I just came from the doctor, and I have lyme disease....
• She looks around and sees everybody else's dad with a good education, youthful looks, and a clean credit record, and thinks, "Why me?
  What did I do to deserve this fat old piece of......
• And, for the record, there were a few Jewish cowboys, ladies and gentlemen.
  Big guys who were great shots and spent money freely....
• I will not bribe Principal Skinne