Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement.

Related:

• Lisa: Excuse me, Mr. Hutz. Are you a shyster? Hutz:
  How does a nice little girl like you know a big word...
• Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz,
  attorney at law. Here's my card. It turns into...
• Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk? Burns:
  Yes. -- A brief moment of honesty from Monty Burns...
• Burns: Now before we begin, let me make one thing clear for you.
  I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But...
• Bart: What a perfect plan. Now, Roger Myers will tell as just.
  Myers: [announcing the studio's re-opening] And so...
• Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
  so help you God? Marge: Mmm... Yes, I do. Hutz: ...
• Hang your heads in shame, you overpriced, underbrained glorified notary publics!
  Just get that big ape to my house tonight and we'll...
• Receptionist: Will you be paying by cash or check?
  Homer: Cash of course! I've got two hundred and fifty...
• You'll be getting more than just a lawyer, Mr. Simpson.
  You'll also be getting this exquisite faux pearl necklace...