Burns: Now before we begin, let me make one thing clear for you. I
want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you're
all vipers!
You live on personal injuries, you live on divorces, you live
on pain and misery! I--
[getting ahold of himself]
Oh, but I'm rambling. Would anyone like some coffee?
Lawyer: Yes, I would like some coffee.
Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart? It's so
hard for me to listen to you, I hate you all so much!
[pause]
I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please
continue.
Lawyer: If you offer Homer Simpson a token cash settlement, say a
couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled, he'll sign anything you
shove under his nose.
Burns: [sarcastic] Oh, brilliant, a cash settlement. I could have
figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!
Lawyer: Got any cream?
Burns: Oh yes, of course, where are my manners?
-- Burns' anti-lawyer rant, "Brother,
Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you're
all vipers!
You live on personal injuries, you live on divorces, you live
on pain and misery! I--
[getting ahold of himself]
Oh, but I'm rambling. Would anyone like some coffee?
Lawyer: Yes, I would like some coffee.
Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart? It's so
hard for me to listen to you, I hate you all so much!
[pause]
I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please
continue.
Lawyer: If you offer Homer Simpson a token cash settlement, say a
couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled, he'll sign anything you
shove under his nose.
Burns: [sarcastic] Oh, brilliant, a cash settlement. I could have
figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!
Lawyer: Got any cream?
Burns: Oh yes, of course, where are my manners?
-- Burns' anti-lawyer rant, "Brother,
Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
Related:
- Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness,
feel the slippery finish.
Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?... - Homer: I'm really sorry I hit you Mr. Burns. Here, let me put some salt
on that eye.
Burns: [frightened] No, please, I can't bear another trashing.... - Moe: D'oh, he's going to ruin everything! All right, that's it,
Home
either Burns goes, or Moe goes. Apu: Yes, I am afraid that I am going to have to make a similar threat with my name in place of Moe's name.... - Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I
call it.
Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson?... - Bart: Mr. Burns, I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I want to
go home to my family.
Burns: [sighs] I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this, but.... - Burns: The one who shot me was...[camera pans to Smithers]
Aah!
Aah! Waylon Smithers! Smithers: [pained] Noo! Wait a minute... - Smithers: [chuckles] Perfect. When I give the signal, you transfer the
call to Mr.
Burns. After she tears into him I'll rush in and save the day.... - Burns: [groaning] Ohh! I need some more ether. I can still feel the
movement of the emory board.
Smithers: [checks bottle] We're fresh out, Sir. I'll get some more.... - Burns: Bart, I know you children see me as some sort of "booger man",
but I'm really not such a bad dude.
Oh, your milk's gone cold -- I'll ring for the maid....
