Burns: Now before we begin, let me make one thing clear for you. I
want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you're
You live on personal injuries, you live on divorces, you live
on pain and misery! I--
[getting ahold of himself]
Oh, but I'm rambling. Would anyone like some coffee?
Lawyer: Yes, I would like some coffee.
Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart? It's so
hard for me to listen to you, I hate you all so much!
I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please
Lawyer: If you offer Homer Simpson a token cash settlement, say a
couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled, he'll sign anything you
shove under his nose.
Burns: [sarcastic] Oh, brilliant, a cash settlement. I could have
figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot!
Lawyer: Got any cream?
Burns: Oh yes, of course, where are my manners?
-- Burns' anti-lawyer rant, "Brother,
Can You Spare Two Dimes?"