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• Oh, what a family. My wife and kids stood by me. On the way home, I realized how little that helped.
  .. -- Homer narrates his story, "Dancin' Home...
• Bart was strangely quiet. Later, he explained he was confused by feelings of respect for me.
  It wouldn't last. -- Homer narrates his story, "Dancin' Home...
• Krik: Oh, my demo tape! Homer: [Homer examines the tape] "Can I Borrow a Feeling?
  [laughing] "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" [continues laughing] That's your picture on the front....
• This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced.
  I should've listened to the kids instead of my big, dumb wife....
• And I got up in front of them. I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol.
  It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle!...
• They are laughing at me, not with me.
• The doll's trying to kill me, and the toaster's been laughing at me.
  -- Homer Simpson Treehouse of Horror III...
• Homer: Okay, where were we? Bart: Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole.
  Homer: Ah yes. -- Homer narrates the story of Bart's childhood, "Lisa's First Word...
• Skinner: They called me old-fashioned for teaching the duck-and-cover method, but who's laughing now!
  -- "Homer Defined...