Homer: Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help
satisfying his wife. So --
[man slugs him in the face]
Ow! Oh...I guess people have some sort of _moral_ objection to
our sex drug.
Abe: [grabbing bottle] Lemme sell it, you idjit.
[takes deep breath] Step right up, folks, and witness the
magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son's patented
revitalizing toniiic.
[takes deep breath] Put some ardor in your larder with our
energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising,
her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.
[a large crowd has gathered; they clap and cheer]
-- Abe, closet huckster, "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
satisfying his wife. So --
[man slugs him in the face]
Ow! Oh...I guess people have some sort of _moral_ objection to
our sex drug.
Abe: [grabbing bottle] Lemme sell it, you idjit.
[takes deep breath] Step right up, folks, and witness the
magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son's patented
revitalizing toniiic.
[takes deep breath] Put some ardor in your larder with our
energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising,
her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.
[a large crowd has gathered; they clap and cheer]
-- Abe, closet huckster, "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
Related:
- Abe: And for the minimal outlay of one dollar, you can take home a
bottle of liquid Lothario,
distilled Don Juan, catalytically- carbonated... - Abe: [points to old TV] There she is, the old Radiation King.
You'd park yourself right there and watch for hours... - Abe: And just feast your ears on this tantalizing testimonial from my
own flesh and blood,
the son that puts the fun in Simpson & Son, ... - Abe: Welcome home, Son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail.
[Marge walks away] What's wrong with your wife? Homer... - Homer: Dad!
Abe: Son!
Homer: I'm a screw-up. I burned down our house.
Abe: No, I'm a screw-up. _I_ burned down our house... - Homer opens the door resolutely, then unplugs the TV]
[the kids,
watching it, open their mouths] Homer: [quickly] Kids... - Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
Maybe I could have been something more than... - Frink: N-hey, I doubt very highly that one elixir could boast so
many fantastic properties.
[drinks some; turns into a handsome man] ... - Homer: You're home safe. Done my duty. See you the next time we need
your signature.
Abe: Aw, you never want to spend any time with me....
