Related:

• I like children, if they are properly cooked!
• Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed. -- W. C. Field
• I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -- W. C. Fields (1890-1946)
• Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
  -- W. C. Field...
• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....
• Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!
  Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road....
• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
  -- W. C. Field...