Related:

• Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
  -- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee...
• Water? Never touch the stuff! Fish fuck in it. -- W. C. Field
• I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink.
  That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. -- W. C. Field...
• Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed. -- W. C. Field
• Don't worry about your heart. It will last you as long as you live. -- W. C. Field
• Man can live without air for seconds, without water for days, without food for weeks, and without ideas for years.