Related:

• Homer: Oh, who am I kidding? I _am_ slow. Marge: Oh, Homey, if you feel so bad about yourself, there's always things you can do to feel better.
  Homer: Take another bath in malt liquor? Marge: There's that....
• Hey, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!
  -- Homer Simpson Mr. Plow...
• Homer: So, how's it going, Grimey? Grimes: I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my office, Simpson.
  Homer: [laughs] Wish I had a nickel every time I heard that....
• Homer: Dad, how come you never gave me any encouragement?
  Maybe I could have been something more than I am....
• It's a GREAT DAY when I learn something new!
• Homer: ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet.
  Wiggum: That's _exactly_ how Dillinger got started....
• Homer: Listen here: my name is Homer J. Simpson. You guys think I'm dead, but I'm not.
  Now I want you to straighten this out without a lot of your bureaucratic red tape and mumbo- jumbo!...
• Homer: Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by, if something happens.
  Let's see...er...Oh, I'm no good at this. Lisa: [whispers into Homer's ear] Home...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...